“Just one more…” God whispered in my ear one day in April of 2005. I heard it loud and clear, but I didn’t want to. “Just one more…” I heard over and over again for the next couple of weeks. I knew what God meant. I knew all too well what God meant. But, I did not want to hear it. I felt that my life was full enough as it was. I was the young mother of two sweet baby boys (a 2 year old and a 10 month old) and a sole proprietor that ran my own CPA practice. Who could ask for more? But, I wasn’t asking, was I?
I am going to preface this post with a disclaimer. I want to make it clear that all I share here is my personal opinion and my own experience. I am not in any way saying other beliefs are not real for those that believe them. I am not trying to disrespect anyone or their belief system and I hope that everyone reading this has the same feeling. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, I just feel a calling to share mine here so others that may be looking for a path and are having similar experiences can know they are not alone. With that said, I feel like I can share with you some of the epiphanies I have been having as of late.
This morning while I was enjoying my morning yoga practice I had a major realization. That realization was this:
Each and every one of our soul’s has a journey. It is here to grow and learn. We have been blessed with our human experience to help this process. Spiritual transformation happens whether you want it to or not, in this lifetime or the next. We can learn our lessons the easy way, or the hard way. We really do get to chose.
Have you ever met someone that is constantly apologizing for things that are not their fault? Well, that would be me. I have spent a good part of my life saying sorry to people for things like the weather being cold or the service being bad at a restaurant of my choosing (like I have control over any of that). When I had my CPA practice I would apologize to people for their tax situation, like I was the one that got them into it or I was the one that wrote the Internal Revenue Code that was responsible for their current position. I have had people tell me on numerous occasions that I should not apologize for situations that I did not create or actively participate in. However, it seems to be a habit that is ingrained in me.
I have very consciously made the decision that I will do that no more! Gone are the days of me apologizing for things that are out of my control. Gone are the days of me apologizing for things that are very much in my control, but, honestly, I should not be apologizing for. Things like…
I’m not dead.
Yup, you read it right…
I’m not dead.
And yes, it was a decision, a very well thought out and deliberate decision I have made. Some of you may be curious about my mental stability at this point, but rest assured, I have not lost my mind. A few things have happened over the last few days that have made me think about this quite a bit and steered me into making this choice.
It is amazing what that three letter word can conjure up in someone. Honestly, I have never really given it much thought when it comes to my business life. I mean, I guess I gave it some thought when I started my CPA practice. Why did I start my CPA practice? Because I had just given birth to my second son and my first son, who was two, barely knew who I was. Although I did not work a lot of overtime with my job at that time, I still had an hour commute on each side of it and babies sleep a lot. Then, to add to all that, the weekends were cram packed with house cleaning, laundry and chores. My poor baby boy did not have a chance to see me! My husband (at the time) and I made the decision that it was worth sacrificing the stable income for the future our our boys. But, I never really thought about the why. It was never front and center in my mind. And, I feel, because of that fact, my business meandered around without focus or direction.
So, here I am, starting another business. I have some vague thought of the fact that I want to help people, be here for my boys and…I don’t know, I am sure there is more. But, once again, there is a serious lack of focus. And with that, my business is meandering around again. Until today…